I gave you my mind blindness...

"Trusting is most of the times abandoning yourself" ~ Victor Hugo (Les Miserables)

Everything was fine, I would even say everything was perfect between the guy and me. I believed every thing he said. I believed him when he told me he wanted to be with me, that he wanted to marry me, that he wanted everything with me...
It was Saturday, I entered his facebook. I saw it there. He had a girlfriend.
I couldn't believe it! It couldn't be true... What? A girlfriend? Really? What happened to the guy is was thinking of falling in love with? Where was my perfect man? The man of my dreams?
I couldn't find him. I still can't.
I don't know what was true for him, I am about to find out. Tomorrow I will.
I am sad, angry but above all, I am dissapointed. I can't believe it yet. What's worst of all is that he hasn't told me anything yet, instead he treats me as he always has, he continues telling me things that are far beyond normal.
I an dissapointed by knowing he is such a different man from what I thought he was, from what he showed me he was. My Phantom was indeed using a mask, not half of it, but an entire FAKE and horrible mask that fooled me.

What will come now? What will he tell me tomorrow? I don't know... I will go and tell him, I don't care what happens because I am "willing to march into Hell for a heavenly cause... To bear with unbearable sorrow... To right the unrightable wrong... To strove with my last ounce of courage..." ... Phantom's Lady*... Or should I say Phantom's Fool?

Noster amor vivet semper...

It is been a long, long time since that last entry, about 4 months...
When I look into his eyes I get to see something unexplainable, that kind of sight that is sincere, happy, trustful. That sight that is telling you eveything but at the same time is quiet...
I could stay lost in that sight forever, hour and hours, and the world would be the best place ever. Just him and me, looking into our eyes, knowing that the other is showing one's soul, one's mind, one's true face. Staring, without glancing anywhere else...

We have talked on the MSN and used the webcam often. He hardly ever smiles, but when we see each other through the camera, he just can not stop... We say nonsense things, blabberies, jokes... But joke by joke the truth appears behind...
We do things, well, at least I do things that I would not even think of doing or saying with someone else. And I am sure he is like that too.
Do you remember we said we were "vampires, siblings, gods"? Lately we have been inventing these "attacks" relating the vampire-love-UFFF (exciting) stuff...
I will it in one phrase for you all "Don't say everything you think, but think everything you say" just to give you and idea of that whole aspect...

I love our talks, they are fun, deep, sincere, likeable, exciting... simply AMAZING! I can assure again that We've passed the point of no return...

I wil go on like this, lets see what happens, each day that crawls by I am more sure about this... HE IS THE ONE!

"Supra amor vulgi, noster amor vivet semper" (Beyond any "human" love, our love will live forever)...

MY Phantom business...

"Do you know what it is like to be sixteen, seventeen, eighteen years old and be obsessed by just a sucession of gestures, moods, movements which together form that something that sometimes seems unreal and it is an actual person?" Carmen Laforet... I do! I acutally do!... I am falling in love with someone, with my Phantom and I truly can not help it... He is the most awesome man I have ever known, he is intelligent, clever, deep, sentimental, funny, a little big-headed hahaha, he is all I ever wanted, he is exactly the description of my perfect man. He knows who he is, or at least he wants to discover it with the "Super Man" idea of Nietzsche, all those things that he does take my breath away and the unbelievable part is that they come all naturally... His favourite quotation is Hegel's "Nothing great in the world has been acomplished without passion" as if it was his ideal or chimera in life (impressive don't you think?) , he is simply AMAZING!! The hilarious part is that he does not have an idea of my feelings about him... We always joke, chat, talk about each others lives and interests and we both love "The Phantom of the Opera", Andrew Lloyd Webber and Musicals stuff... I just told him about the world premiere of "Love never dies" and he was very excited and happy and he always laughs with me and we make future plans of our lives in London or in Paris, next to the Opera... I want to tell him what I feel but I can't... our love is kind of prohibited right now, though I am sure I will do it sooner or later... I will wait and find out if this feeling may turn into something further...TRUE LOVE for example...that's all for now...time crawls by... Phantom's Lady*


PS: "The impossible dream"'s lyrics from Man of La Mancha are down hear... do you dare to chase your dreams? do you dare to reach the unreachable star?

To dream the impossible dream
To fight the unbeatable foe
To bear with unbearable sorrow
To run where the brave dare not go
To right the unrightable wrong
To love pure and chaste from afar
To try when your arms are too weary
To reach the unreachable star

This is my quest
To follow that star
No matter how hopeless
No matter how far
To fight for the right
Without question or pause
To be willing to march into Hell
For a heavenly causeAnd I know if I'll only be true
To this glorious quest
That my heart will lie peaceful and calm
When I'm laid to my rest

And the world will be better for this
That one man, scorned and covered with scars
Still strove with his last ounce of courage
To reach the unreachable star

This is my quest
To follow that star
No matter how hopeless
No matter how far
To fight for the right
Without question or pause
To be willing to march into Hell
For a heavenly causeAnd I know if I'll only be true
To this glorious quest
That my heart will lie peaceful and calm
When I'm laid to my rest

And the world will be better for this
That one man, scorned and covered with scars
Still strove with his last ounce of courage
To reach the unreachable star !!!