Noster amor vivet semper...

It is been a long, long time since that last entry, about 4 months...
When I look into his eyes I get to see something unexplainable, that kind of sight that is sincere, happy, trustful. That sight that is telling you eveything but at the same time is quiet...
I could stay lost in that sight forever, hour and hours, and the world would be the best place ever. Just him and me, looking into our eyes, knowing that the other is showing one's soul, one's mind, one's true face. Staring, without glancing anywhere else...

We have talked on the MSN and used the webcam often. He hardly ever smiles, but when we see each other through the camera, he just can not stop... We say nonsense things, blabberies, jokes... But joke by joke the truth appears behind...
We do things, well, at least I do things that I would not even think of doing or saying with someone else. And I am sure he is like that too.
Do you remember we said we were "vampires, siblings, gods"? Lately we have been inventing these "attacks" relating the vampire-love-UFFF (exciting) stuff...
I will it in one phrase for you all "Don't say everything you think, but think everything you say" just to give you and idea of that whole aspect...

I love our talks, they are fun, deep, sincere, likeable, exciting... simply AMAZING! I can assure again that We've passed the point of no return...

I wil go on like this, lets see what happens, each day that crawls by I am more sure about this... HE IS THE ONE!

"Supra amor vulgi, noster amor vivet semper" (Beyond any "human" love, our love will live forever)...

Something's starting right now...

We hugged, talked, hugged again, we had a picture taken together…I am talking to him right now… He said he adored me and about me he also said: “Like perfection personified?... Picture this; beautiful, intelligent, sportsgirl, ballerina, smiley, emo, “fresa” and PERFECT!!”… I am sure that I am falling, the question now is: Will he fall for me too? Will we find true love together?... A lot of things tell me that we will somehow be together but there are a few little obstacles though… We are many years apart but I believe that if I show myself just as I am, without pretending things, without masks, he will fall for me too… At least this is what he has said since I know him…

He feels something, I am sure, otherwise he would not say all those incredible and unbelievable things… He always says he likes my cheek dimples and my smile, he says he does care about me, he always listens to me, when we talk we always see directly into the other’s eyes… He said he adored his little sister (and he says he does not say that to many people), he would keep me in his house if I was alone, he loves bothering me (as he said... If I bother someone, that means I love him/her)... There has to be something waiting to grow into something bigger here…

"I don’t know how, I don't when but I know something’s starting right now, watch and you’ll see someday I’ll be… Part of his world!!" (The Little Mermaid)

I’m sure something is starting right now… About Raoul? Those 2 guys belong to the past, I was not falling, I did not really like any of them, I might find another Raoul in these years, but until then I will not think of anyone apart from my Phantom… He continues impressing me every single day; he has woken me up with texts twice until now, he alone can make my song take flight and THIS Music of the Night is not over yet!

"Ideals are not dreams, they are lifestyles..."

That's right, I will keep on going on, keep on trying to reach that unreachable star, because "I'll always feel no more than halfway real till I hear you sing.. once more!!!" (LND)... Phantom's Lady*

Love Never Dies... Trauma

Amazing things have happened until now… Do you remember MY Phantom business?? Well He adopted me as his little sister, he told me that he cared about me, that I was special, that he had been missing me and many amazing and unbelievable things …

I really think that he feels something more than just … I can’t say it, as I said our relationship is banned in a certain way… I am the real me when we are together I have never pretended something I am not and I have no plans for doing that…
The “Love Never Dies” (LND from now) album was given me by my cousin, I have to say that it is a real TRAUMA or obssesion, however you want to call that... I lent the LND album to… him… he liked it a lot, it is kind of an obsession for both of us, we always talk about it, it has been like a strand for us because I think our bond is bigger now, and as I am his little sister now he says he is going to bring me THE PHANTOM when he goes to England, we continue joking every time we chat and we also talk about more serious things and aspects we both like… LND is mainly about that “hidden love” between Christine and Erik, that love that was real and remains as an important situation, because they actually have a son, the story is about how Erik confronts Christine again and their REAL LOVE sparkles and comes alive again and stronger than ever, maybe because of their son or maybe because they were meant to be with each other. LND is amazing just as the first Phantom (but indeed Phantom is way still better), Andrew Lloyd Webber is a music genius, an Angel of Music, and the lyrics and rhymes are also very good.
Erik was completely in love and obsessed with Christine, and I personally think that Christine had always wanted to be with him, but in the first part (The Phantom of the Opera, P.T.O.) she is scared and frightened by the passion of Erik’s love, that’s why she chose Raoul and in LND she finally sees that her true love was always Erik and at the end when Erik has finally reached what he had always been fighting for, Christine dies and it is all over except love, because love never dies…
He told me that Lloyd Webber used the main song of LND in another of his musicals and later he adapted it to fit the Phantom’s sequel, I already knew that but I had never listened to it, he also told me that the song LND was kind of a response for “The heart is slow to learn” (which was the first title for the composition). We can compare the lyrics down here and as you read them I would like you to choose your favorite or the one that fits you better…

The heart is slow to learn// Love never dies

The heart is slow to learn //Who knows when love begins?
The heart is slow to learn // Who knows what makes it start?
These feelings that I feel // One day it’s simply there
Are foolish but they’re real // Alive inside your heart
I'm wise enough to see this love will never be // It slips into your thoughts it infiltrates your soul
An each day is like the last when living in the past// It takes you by surprise, then ceases full control
I know it's mad and you won't return // Try to deny it and try to protest
But then as I have said //But love won’t let you go
The heart is slow to learn/ / Once you’ve been possessed
I'll never love as I have loved you //Love never dies, love never falters
Why is love cruel I wish I knew // Once it has spoken love is yours
Say what you will it doesn't matter // Love never fails, love never alters
Until I die there's only you // Hearts may get broken, love endures
Until I die there's only you // Hearts may get broken, love endures
The heart is slow to learn// And soon as you submit
The heart is slow to learn //Surrender flesh and bone
You'd think there would be a way // That love takes on a life
To shut out yesterday // Much bigger than your own
Perhaps if I just thought // It uses you at will
Of all the times we fought // It drives you to despair
I'd try to let us know there’s still no letting go // And forces you to feel more joy than you can bear
I know it's mad and you won't return // Love gives you pleasure and love brings you pain
But then as I have said the heat is slow to learn //And yet when both are gone, love will still remain
I'll never love as I have loved you //Love never dies, love never falters
Why is love cruel I wish I knew //Once it has spoken love is yours
Say what you will it doesn't matter // Love never dies, love never alters
Until I die there’s only you // Hearts may get broken, love endures
Until I die there’s only you//Hearts may get broken, love lives on

“The heart is…” is a little bit depressing don’t you think so? I prefer “LND”, but “The heart…” has got key points of the “love thing” going on, it says that you can only love one person (Until I die there’s only you) but I think that the real love is not “foolish” and “cruel” I believe that as “LND” says “It forces you to feel more joy than you can bear”, I really want to know the truth about love, this is my point of view so far I wish I could figure out the rest… I will wait until true love knocks to my door and I will open the door because if not my true love will cross the street and he will get run over by a trailer and his blood will rise up to my window and that would not be nice… I adore his sense of humor, he made up that hilarious story, he is just as sarcastic, sadistic and ironic as me, so that is great too…
LND has changed my point of view about what love is, I mean true love, and it has made our bond stronger, I am very happy in this moment but sometimes depression comes over here because the scholar period (yeah, I am a student) is close to finish. We are both obssesed with LND. I will write another time soon… Phantom’s Lady

P.S.: And come what may I SWEAR somehow, some way I’ll hear you sing once more!!!

MY Phantom business...

"Do you know what it is like to be sixteen, seventeen, eighteen years old and be obsessed by just a sucession of gestures, moods, movements which together form that something that sometimes seems unreal and it is an actual person?" Carmen Laforet... I do! I acutally do!... I am falling in love with someone, with my Phantom and I truly can not help it... He is the most awesome man I have ever known, he is intelligent, clever, deep, sentimental, funny, a little big-headed hahaha, he is all I ever wanted, he is exactly the description of my perfect man. He knows who he is, or at least he wants to discover it with the "Super Man" idea of Nietzsche, all those things that he does take my breath away and the unbelievable part is that they come all naturally... His favourite quotation is Hegel's "Nothing great in the world has been acomplished without passion" as if it was his ideal or chimera in life (impressive don't you think?) , he is simply AMAZING!! The hilarious part is that he does not have an idea of my feelings about him... We always joke, chat, talk about each others lives and interests and we both love "The Phantom of the Opera", Andrew Lloyd Webber and Musicals stuff... I just told him about the world premiere of "Love never dies" and he was very excited and happy and he always laughs with me and we make future plans of our lives in London or in Paris, next to the Opera... I want to tell him what I feel but I can't... our love is kind of prohibited right now, though I am sure I will do it sooner or later... I will wait and find out if this feeling may turn into something further...TRUE LOVE for example...that's all for now...time crawls by... Phantom's Lady*


PS: "The impossible dream"'s lyrics from Man of La Mancha are down hear... do you dare to chase your dreams? do you dare to reach the unreachable star?

To dream the impossible dream
To fight the unbeatable foe
To bear with unbearable sorrow
To run where the brave dare not go
To right the unrightable wrong
To love pure and chaste from afar
To try when your arms are too weary
To reach the unreachable star

This is my quest
To follow that star
No matter how hopeless
No matter how far
To fight for the right
Without question or pause
To be willing to march into Hell
For a heavenly causeAnd I know if I'll only be true
To this glorious quest
That my heart will lie peaceful and calm
When I'm laid to my rest

And the world will be better for this
That one man, scorned and covered with scars
Still strove with his last ounce of courage
To reach the unreachable star

This is my quest
To follow that star
No matter how hopeless
No matter how far
To fight for the right
Without question or pause
To be willing to march into Hell
For a heavenly causeAnd I know if I'll only be true
To this glorious quest
That my heart will lie peaceful and calm
When I'm laid to my rest

And the world will be better for this
That one man, scorned and covered with scars
Still strove with his last ounce of courage
To reach the unreachable star !!!